Simple answers to complex questions...

"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people."
"Then what does it do?"
"Why would it need to do anything else?"
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"Those of you that think they know everything, are very annoying to those of us that actually do"
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Ignorance is bliss, and their last name is ironic...
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What is the difference between the beginning and the end? Turn around...
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What did the spider say to Little Miss Muffett that scared her away? Don't eat that your gonna get fat...
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Dance like no one is watching... unless you choose to dance naked, then someone will be.
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ADD and ADHD is a cop out for being rude, lazy, and stupid. And so what is your excuse?
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Is everything ok? (sarcastically asked) Well, it was until you opened your mouth and proved what a jerk I thought you were to begin with...
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Open mouth, insert foot, oh wait, if I do that then where do I put my shoes?
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Too many men, Too many shoes, Too many... who decides what's too many?
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If you have an apple, an orange and a banana, what do you have? A bowl of fruit but without the bowl...
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Chuckle, chuckle, giggle, giggle, honk, honk, snort, snort, and that was just because Craig Furgeson has a snake cup...
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If getting married is a choice, I need to determine what my options are again...
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I'm heading south for the winter, parts of me have already gotten there.
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If politics are what rules the world, who rules the politics? Right, the ones who are out of this world...
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If you loose your mind, do you know it?
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Unique, different, special, and a wonder... traits of an ASD'r and those that invented the light bulb, the airplane, painted the Sistine Chapel, and created a universal language called DOS.
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If you grow up, does that mean that you have to act it too?
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Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. ~ George Carlin
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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

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"If you change the way you look at things -- the things you look at change" ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer (The Power of Intention)

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"Is is tomorrow yet?" - a 3-year-old
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"Focus on remedies, not faults." - Jack Nicklaus

**"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau
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The Wonder, The Amazement, The Ever Present need for Change ...

Ever wonder what it's like to just not think and be truly quiet?

I wonder, can you hear silence and if you thought about it, then would you then be thinking and therefore not be quiet?

It simply amazes me that you could actually live without a thought in your head... How would you breath if your brain didn't think to inhale and exhale? It's not like the heart that is a muscle that just works, or does it without a brain? How did the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz talk, let alone move his body to go in search of a brain?

Ever wonder what it's like to look into the mirror and see yourself as others truly see you? and are they being honest with you when they are put on the spot when you ask them if you are the fairest of all?

Ever wonder what it would be like to say, NO, simply because you are tired of trying to please everybody but yourself first, and yet not be considered selfish? Take for example Grumpy... why was he grumpy if he did everything that everybody else did around him? Why couldn't he find happiness like Happy did since they were always in the same places at the same times? Perspective always gets in the way of conformity...

Ever wonder what it would be like to just jump and not worry about ever hitting the ground because you have wings, or better yet the deep end of the pool actually has water in it and you know how to swim?

If God did not create humanity, then who or what created the atom, the molecule the itty bitty particles that make up the cosmos, our cellular bodies and the air that we breath? And if Adam didn't name them, then how do we know that's what everything is called?

If we lived on the other side of the earth, how come we aren't standing on our heads? and how some we sit on the end that does all the hard work? Think about it... if you couldn't sit or poop, would you be alive? It sure wouldn't be a good day in the neighborhood, now would it?

How did the same company that created Depends, the adult diaper garments, be granted FDA Approval for a food ingredient called "Olestra" that states that known side effects of eating it would be that you have uncontrollable bowels? Maybe it's the same people that work for Anti-virus companies that created viruses in the first place for job security? (no proof that this is true, just supposing)

Ever wonder what it would be like to be the butterfly that you chase, the snail as it crawls to the end of the trail, a frog as it jumps across the road, or a cat on its 8th life never knowing that there's a fine line, a second to react, a fraction of an inch or a moment of hesitation before being squished forever? And what's the difference to these as it is for us driving a car going over 10 miles an hour with 3 mile an hour bumpers?

Ever decide for the first time that this is who you are so the rest of the world can take a flying leap because you've finally found your true color? Oh and you're a chameleon...

Ever loose your tail in an attempt to escape from an enemy, just long enough to get picked off by the next one because they hunt in pairs? Or worse yet, chase your own tail thinking it's someone or something better than what you currently already have? Oh right, that's called entitlement. Doesn't sound too smart when you think of it this way, or does it?

Ever wonder what it would be like to be the one who got away instead of the one who's been left behind? And how do you know if you were left behind, and not the one that got away because you refused to move and the other one ran away?

Ever think, maybe I'll take care of myself first, then give to others what's left over? Never thinking that by giving away what you have, that you are actually receiving from others?

Ever think, maybe today I'll be the emperor that walked the streets naked and didn't know it? or did he and he was just proudly showing off the crown jewels? Sorry needed some levity here... again sorry, no pun intended.

Ever think that for Rapunzel she had a legitimate excuse and really did have a headache? I mean come on, after hoisting up her prince charming, think about it....

Ever wonder why no else can see Hobbs alive, except for Calvin? And how come Hobbs never drowns in the washing machine? It's also classic examples of shoving the blame on the inanimate...

Ever wonder why Woodstock isn't considered to be a cannibal because he's eating Turkey on the Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving Special? I suppose that would mean he's really an Eagle or a Hawk, or some other caron type bird of prey and not really a yellow canary?

And why, oh why, can't Sylvester get the fact that Twittie Bird is smarter than him? Same goes for Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner... How many times can you do the same thing in different ways, expecting the same result, and not figure out that maybe it's better for your health to be a vegetarian?

Tom and Jerry, friends, best buddies, co-stars or enemies and foes? Reminds me of the Congress and the Senate... and the mouse hole, Jerry's safe place, keeps moving according to the direction Tom is chasing him. Or there's a ton of holes in that house and Jerry seems to know where every one of them are. Why can't Tom figure that out?

They took "Hong Kong Foohie" off the air due to the "violent nature and context of the cartoon" and yet we are in favor of "The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"? Aren't they all just crime fighting, stick up for the underdog type of hero's? Or was it because a cat was smarter than a dog... Bring back the violence of animated characters instead of costume wearing teenagers! At least we know that they aren't real because we know that a cat isn't smarter than a dog after all...

Dick Van Dyke, Desi Arnez, and Leave it to Beaver couldn't even mention the word "Pregnant", show married people in the same bed, or show a bathroom toilet on "the air". However, now we have teen pregnancies and controversy over abortion on the 5 o'clock news and Saturday shows geared to teens in the same time slots of Strawberry Shortcake... What ever happened to Network Sensors? They buzz out the "f" word on late night, but show soft porn on afternoon soaps?

It seems as though people have forgotten 5th grade through 11th grade United States Constitution and Government classes and the fact that the President of the United States does NOT make laws, govern laws or have a say in how laws are presented to the people. All he gets to do is either sign it, or veto it. When was the last time a President vetoed a really good bill or passed one for that matter? And what happened to School House Rocks' singing "Bill" who taught us this on Saturday and Sunday mornings while eating our Corn Flakes and Cheerios?

We have allowed the degradation of our morals and our values that this country was founded on. Similar to the cartoon examples of life that I mentioned above. Truly, what is different from those edifying attempts of humor, and what we see as "reality" today? Why do we continue to ignore the obvious in favor of the subtle attempt at numbing our reality in fain humor?

Why don't we want to be the one that points out the obvious and say what's on every bodies minds... The Emperor has no clothes and all our money was given to a swindler! Where was the bail out for all the other businesses that have failed over the years due to poor management and mis-appropriation, I mean bonuses, taken by employees? And how different is this from the cartoons where the good guys get the bad guys? Where are all the good guys? Where's Mighty Mouse when you need him to "...Come and Save the Day!"?

Remember, we weren't born here, we don't have to follow the rules, and what the heck, it's not my money after all. I'm the President Puppet of big business and that's how I got this job, not because I really know what "for the people, of the people" really means, needs or wants. It's all about the backs I've stepped on to get to the top, isn't it? Paybacks, scratch your back, and greenbacks that is?

UGH!!!! I've heard far too much talk like this from the "Silent Majority" who is slowly becoming the "Loud Minority"....Politics are for the adults! I just want to play in the play ground and I don't understand why everyone can't just get along. I'm this many, 1 2 3! and I just want to be able to grow up and work hard and be a free thinker... unless that's unpopular, heaven knows that I don't want to grow up to be one of the major minorities.

What ever happened to Little Miss Muffett? And if she sat on her tuffett eating her curds and whey, but had lactose/Gluten/Wheat allergies, and all the spiders were dead because of pesticides, then what scared here away and what was she eating? Who is the "Prince of Bel-air" and where do the Cosby's really live? A doctor and a lawyer that have enough time to raise 5 well adjusted kids and go to bed together at the same time every night? What is reality and what is fantasy and how do we know the differences anymore?

If the news is really about what the truth is, how come they have writers, directors and producers who make decisions based on sponsors as to what is actually shown on TV to the masses, and yet we have "free" press?

Like I said before, I'm 1, 2 3! and I just want to look and wonder, is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and if you keep moving and the rainbow moves with you like a shadow because after all it's just a reflection, how do you know if you are close or not? Shouldn't you enjoy the Journey more instead of always remained focused on the end result if the result is always just a fairy tale analogy? and is there a happy ending after all.... I guess I'll have to wait until I get to heaven, but then again, if dust returns to dust and feeds the microscopic mites, aren't I just food for the cosmos? And if God doesn't exist, who determined that we were king and who told us that we were naked and invented clothes? I don't think they had marketing executives way back then, or did they because they were free thinkers and refused to conform?

Hmmmm The wonder, the amazement the ever present need for change.... WHY?

The Joy in the Journey ...

I'm lucky to have been blessed with a few awesome friends who know me and my heart. I have also been blessed with a peace that no matter what, I'm going to find the Joy in the Journey. (I think it's a book title from a famous Christian author on the Women of Faith conferences.) I also feel that it's not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that we need to be concerned about, but the colors in the rainbow as we gaze up at what is before us and become dazzled at all the possible colors.

In the past, I have allowed others to make decisions for me simply because at times it seemed as though I wasn't qualified. I fell in line with what was expected of me, even though inside I felt as though I was being strangled and shoved into a box that I would never be able to to fit in. I suppose it's that ever present sense of failure that many of us unknowingly allow to control our lives.

However, it has been my actions and reactions that have made the most difference in my life, and they were all based on the whole picture, usually the end first, and not taking into consideration of what the steps were to actually attain the goal until I was already on my journey. Sorta like thinking out load to process what is going on inside, hence the over explanation theory with works well with children because they don't see the obvious, yet.

Although others may make decisions that I may or may not agree upon, it is what I do at that point that makes the biggest difference. I have a saying that goes like this: "Based on your decisions, I have my decisions". This of course was usually predicated by my telling the person how unhappy I am and what my needs were for months if not years. It usually ended with me leaving the situation because the person ultimately did not seem to have my best interest in mind when making their decisions, or so it appeared to me.

I have found it difficult in life to act in a purposeful way to hurt another person. And yet, I am guilty of hurting others unknowingly. The most important person however, has been myself. Am I alone in this feeling that is it's "ok" to put other people and their wants and needs above my own to the point of self sacrifice? It makes for good customer service, but lousy self-esteem.

Having a plan for a life vision is a great idea, perfectly sound concept and purposeful option for us to consider. However, how does one choose just one? How does one concentrate long enough to keep the goal in mind, especially such a long term goal that may include difficult or "boring" tasks to get there?

I seem to be stuck here... in a perpetual 3 year old state. I perceive the world in extra wide vision and vivid color. All of which adds to my distractability as I'm somewhat addicted to change. The good thing is, I'm past the terrible twos and the defiant temper tantrums, but truly find it difficult to not ask why, how, who and what at everything I encounter. Maybe I'm just passing through or maybe I'm here to stay, but in the mean time, how do I choose just one step at a time? I'm finding out finally it's not so good to just jump in and then find out that there is no water at the deep end of the pool.

Or is this just me over analyzing yet another pretty simple concept looking for a short cut to the end of the rainbow and the ever elusive pot of gold... Maybe it's just me being fearful of actually making a choice and being wrong so instead I just want to skip, jump and run along as if not a care in the world, chasing the butterfly as it transforms into a caterpillar... yes I meant to say it this way as I'm feeling as though most of the time I'm going backwards to start all over again.

I have recently come to realize that I have been living the life of a chameleon and not who I really am or want to be. Do I know what that is at the young age of 3? Especially when I'm still so distracted by jumping into puddles alongside the road to church, even when I know that I'll be dirty when I show up. Is it about my clothes being dirty that draws the attention or the fact that I had fun along the journey to get there....

Temper Tantrums and Defiance of ASD

If I could give you all some hope that your child will out grow Temper Tantrums, I would. However, being an ASD Defiant, my temper tantrums are finally starting to disappear and I'm 45. I tell people I'm a perpetual 3 year old, but I must be honest, I have just learned how to keep the tantrum part inside in the last 10 years.

My poor Mom... She tried to hard with me, but with two boys and me so close in age to me, she felt like she was just a bad parent. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I was able to express to her that it wasn't her being a bad parent, but that it was my ASD. They didn't diagnose kids like me back then. My Mom always said that I was an independent spirit and that she didn't want to break it. Truth was, she couldn't even if she tried.

Not that all kids who have temper tantrums have ASD and most kids outgrow tantrums by the age of 4 or 5 if not sooner. I feel that being ASD myself, is why I seem to be able to understand the hows and whys the volcano even erupts. My hope is that I may be of help by sharing what I can now verbalize to those of you out there struggling how to get through to these little ones. Because having the inability to verbalize properly is what is so frustrating internally that you loose it before you can get it all out in a positive manner. And I must say, it's just as frustrating to those of us that have a volcano monster, as it is to those that have to dodge the spewing lava from our volcano monster once he appears.

Constantly having to watch people to learn what is going on around me, I've learned that you just can't allow kids (or anybody if you can help it) to get to the point of exploding. Maybe it's just one of the many gifts I've received with my ASD, but I seem to be able to sense something is about to go awry and when the facial cues became more apparent, I am able to distract them, trade or barter for a more safe toy or other option of expressing themselves. I offer help or ask questions as to what they would like to accomplish. Sometimes it's just that they don't know how to ask for help or that they aren't sure what the end result is that they are attempting to accomplish. Both the fear of not knowing where the end is or the boundary and the frustration of not knowing how to ask for help is the pressure that the volcano monster thrives on.

Take for example that if it's time to go, give me some warning. Just don't walk out the door telling me that we have to leave now and that you told me an hour ago that we'd be leaving in an hour. When I'm involved, obsessed or just enjoying things around me, time and the sense of time seems to elude me still. I'm not late because I plan ahead to be late. I know that it sounds like an excuse, but I give myself an extra 30 mins to get anywhere, just in case. Depending on what the occasion is, sometimes that "buffer" time will extend into an hour. Call it the "Worse Case Scenario" or the "Be Prepared" rule. But in either case, I'm rarely late and I rarely leave early. I plan to enjoy as much time as possible in what ever I chose to do. This way I never feel like I missed out on something or didn't give it a chance.

Getting back to setting boundaries for the temper tantrum monster.... I've learned that you don't just take me away from something or somewhere without giving me a warning as I tend to get upset when I feel rushed. However when boundaries were set for me, then I never got too involved because the reminders are there. So for example: When going somewhere, set the boundary that it's a short trip and that you are only going to go in for a few minutes. By setting the first boundary before you get there, it help them to remember that they don't have that much time. By reinforcing it with a ten minute warning you allow them to figure it out for themselves how to detach from what ever has their attention. By acknowledging that it is a short trip so we'll be leaving in 10 minutes, I try not to get too involved in something. Then when give them a 5 min warning, again acknowledging that what they are doing is important, but that you will be back another time, because remember this is a short trip. And then lastly it's just about time to leave so lets say goodbye to (whatever,whomever) because we are going to go see, do, etc. Then act accordingly by taking their hand, explaining that they agreed before coming in that these were the boundaries and therefore you are just doing what they agreed with. In most cases, it works. You also must be consistent about the boundary.

Speaking from experience, if a child is ASD and gets hyper-focused on something, it's like trying to wake a sleep walker and not a good idea to do all of a sudden. Give them time to re-awaken slowly. Let them think it's their idea to stop because you've offered them a new choice of something to do that is similar or better. It doesn't always work, but 90% of the time it did with me.

Punishment for bad behavior like putting me in time out was a blessing to me because my brother's couldn't bug me. For some kids, the fear of being left out or abandoned will make them think twice of what they thinking of doing. You need to however, catch them before the monster comes out and give them warnings. Giving me a spanking didn't work for me either as it just reinforced my defiance. Bottom line was, I always needed (not wanted) to know why I couldn't do this or that, how come, and who... I needed explanation and reasoning even if it was thought that I wouldn't understand at the time. I eventually figured it out on my own, but it still remains more helpful to me if someone gives me a clue once in awhile.

The other thing I realized is that even at a young age, kids are trying to learn and become independent. However, their reasoning portion of their brains just are quite there yet. However, the power of what possession or being excluded is seems to begin early in life. My brother showed me that by giving his kids a choice of 'where' they were going to take their nap, that they felt empowered that they got to be a part of the decision in regards to their nap. The fact was that they were ultimately going to take their nap regardless of where they chose. It's a win win situation... You are then in control of the boundaries that are safe and necessary, but they feel like it was their decision. It gives you the ability to teach them reasoning and compromise in a positive manner. The same works for shoes, socks and clothes in general... they are going to wear them, so give them the big kid choice of choosing which ones they get to wear. If they don't match, that's ok... It's not about you, it's about them. The fact that they left the house with clothes on, you already won this battle.

Please keep this in mind as well: Explain to them and teach them, let them try and fail and see consequences of bad behavior. Reward and Praise, trade and barter.

Here's one more clear cut example of what I'm talking about:
This summer I spent time with my niece, and I'm not just bragging, this kid is really smart! While driving in the car she wanted her shoes and socks off. She got her shoes off and I cheered for her. Then she started to take her socks off and got frustrated because she couldn't pull them off by the toes. So I turned back around and told her that it isn't acceptable to get frustrated like that and that it wasn't acceptable behavior. So I asked her what she was trying to do. "Do you want to take your socks off? Do you want to learn how to do it by yourself? or can I help you?" I gave her choices and she stopped a minute to think about it. I could see the wheels turning...

Besides my sister telling me that I talk too fast and that she doesn't understand, she told me she didn't know how to take her socks off yet and to just take them off for her. Being the defiant that I am, sorry sis, I said she can do it, Mommy, just watch. I not only showed my niece how to put her thumb under the edge of the sock, and push her thumb along the back of her ankle and heel, but I explained it word by word as I was doing it for her the first time. I didn't force her, I asked her for her help in me teaching it to her. Three tries later and a bit more fussing, but no volcano monster, there were big cheers from her and for her, that she did it all by herself. She will be 2 on the 13th of Sept. Of course I had to point out to her that by taking them off, that she would have to put them back on before she got out of the car. My sister looked at me and just laughed. But as I got her out, I reminded her of what the "deal" was and she sat there while I put them back on. My sister was a bit amused, but not at her daughter... After we got in the house I pointed out to her that I did the same thing with her in the car years ago. She snickered and said I remember, but I'd forgotten until I saw you bend down and help her put them back on... Lessons we learn in childhood never really go away. We just need to be reminded where in the library that particular book is...

Is she ASD? I hope so. Is it a bad thing? Not for me. Will she have as hard a time as I did growing up? Maybe. Will her parents look at is as a disability? I doubt it. I over heard Mommy on the phone with her doing exactly what I had "reminded" her what works. And you know what? My little niece doesn't volcano as much since her Mommy recognized the Monster and told him to stay home.

I have many gifts that I thought all my life that everyone had. But now I can see some of those gifts were natural causes of my ASD inabilities. Having the feeling like I never fit it, caused me to study people, their faces, and interactions more closely than others did. I was constantly trying to anticipate what I should do in the future when I saw that look on someone, or when they expressed certain body language. It made me a natural born salesman, that's for sure. Now I use that same ability to read little ones and can anticipate their moods so much easier than grownups as they haven't yet learned how to hide their emotions. I also tend to focus on and celebrate (make a big deal over) the little things that they accomplish. No matter how big or small of an accomplishment, it's a reason for cheers, good job and I'm so proud of you! Not to mention high fives and hugs. Automatically it changes the way kids and people respond to getting things done.

Positive reinforcement and rewards are what works for me. Don't try to convince me that I can't do something because I'm a girl, I'm too little or just because. Try to punish me and I'll brood and figure out a way to get my way. Help me figure out how to compromise and I'm right there with you, just make sure it makes sense. Kids are smarter and more manipulative than we give them credit for. Just because I don't speak Spanish, doesn't mean I can't understand it.

So I do hope that this will be a light into the minds of little ones and maybe some ASD'rs and a comfort to you bigger ones too! It's all about falling down, getting back up, dusting your knees off and saving tears for when the emotions really warrant them.

Giving your kids boundaries can be tougher on you then on them, but never let them see you cry. Unless you are bleeding. Focus on the positive aspect that you are teaching your kids boundaries that will not only protect them, but protect others as well. Show your kids when it's appropriate to cry and be angry, sad or disappointed. It's never appropriate to get so frustrated that you blow up because you are afraid.

Work as a team, be a team leader. If your spouse is trying to control a situation, let them. You will never conquer the Temper Tantrum Monster if you don't show respect for rules set by your spouse and solidarity against the enemy. If you disagree, take it up at a later time when the kids are already asleep. If you try to correct your spouse in front of the kids, they will learn that it's ok and that they get their way when they play the pit-Mommy-and-Daddy-against-each-other game. A game where no one wins and everyone becomes a loser. The most important thing is that once you and your spouse agree on the boundaries, back them up in regards to rules, consequences and rewards. Don't pull the foundations out before the concrete is hard otherwise you will never have a solid foundation, let alone a level one.

Celebrate together as a family that you and your kids did really good on this or that. Then if need be, reinforce the rules, by asking the kids what they think should be done about the bad behavior that they had that day. Don't leave it to be a general issue, point out or have them recognize what exactly the bad behavior was. Then once they have done that, remind them of the good things they did. Celebrate it all over again with your spouse if they were not there the first time. Pulling together like this as a family will be the biggest advantage you will have as they grow up.

And I believe with my whole heart that the Temper Tantrum Monster will forever be banished to the caves where he came from, never to appear again. And if he does, well you'll already be prepared to put him back in his place and to make sure that he is not welcome. So get up, dust your knees off and go give yourself a reward because you asked for help and your goal is to keep trying. Celebrate the successes and make a big deal about them!