Wimps Don't Cry...

What is it with guys that it's not ok to cry? That it's not "manly" to show emotion of any kind, lest you be thought of as a weakling or a cry baby?

I grew up with brothers and boy cousins, so I think I can speak to the fact that "wimps don't cry". Being a girl or more like a Tomboy, I had issues with this over the years. To be part of the gang, not like today's gang but more like the Little Rascals, I had to be faster and better at things than the littlest or worse boy just to be able to hang. That meant that I had to be able to climb a tree faster, run without shoes, shoot the slingshot with better accuracy and more than not, deal with a little blood, sweat and no tears.

I cried so much to my dismay, into my bed covers when I was younger because of my ADHD and my Mother's inability to love me for the way I was. I eventually told God that I didn't want to cry or complain about my poor excuse of a life anymore and so I stopped crying for a number of years. It was as if I could just shut it off from myself so that it wouldn't happen and somehow people and events couldn't make me cry.

As a young woman, I felt it wrong to use tears to manipulate men into doing something I wanted them to do. Heck, if they didn't want to do it, I was able to find someone who would. No big deal when you are single, skinny and athletic.

Now I find that there are times when I wish I could pour on the tears as I think that would make my spouse feel like I was more of woman and therefore make him feel more like a man? But it's just not me as I feel as though it would be a manipulation of sorts to get him to feel something for me that he may not otherwise feel.

In fact, I did cry over my broken arm! Not when I fell, not when it hurt, not even after surgery. I had to explain to the doctors that I was brought up with the "Wimps Don't Cry" motto as they too looked at me like I was nuts! I guess by their expressions after looking at the x-rays that I should have been crying constantly by the amount of pain I should have been in... But it took me 3 years and a trip to England and Ireland for me to cry over the death of my Mother. But if I watch something sentimental on TV or in a movie or see old people, kids or animals being hurt I'm a blubbering idiot...well not exactly, but I do cry, once in a while now.

I wonder why my opinion of myself has led me to believe that others would think less of me if I was to cry? What does it feel like to be a wimp? And why is being sentimental and overly sensitive a wrong thing in today's society? Or is that opinion just saved for the male species?

I've lived my life making a place for myself. I've lived my life never turning back and saying I wish I didn't do this or that. I've lived my life looking forward to the next thrill and yet I can't cry... Does that make me a wimp then? Not being able to do something that I want to do very badly? or is it that all of my tears are saved for others and not myself? Or is it that I just don't know what feelings to have when I need them? Is this what an ADHD Fog is like?

Should I be sad over something that isn't sad to me but to others? Should I react the way others expect me to react or the way I would have reacted if no one was around? How many little girls would cry if they had no audience? How many little boys would if they didn't?

What makes us decide when to please others and when not to? Why is it so important to fit in and be what others want or expect us to be? And why then are we not allowed to expect others to act in the way that we think they should or would? Why do others cry when they should rejoice and why don't I see the reasons why we should cry at all?

All tears have done for me is give me a headache and a runny nose. And yet, it's the way that the Holy Spirit shows me that I am being filled. No runny nose and no headache... but why choose tears? Is it because I have forgotten how the cleansing of tears wash away the dirt and grime of the past? or is it evidence that the Hold Spirit is with me, doing something that I can not do on my own?

So as I continue to ponder why Wimps Don't Cry, let me know what makes you cry. Clue me in as to why such a simple act as letting go of some water from your eyes has the ability to stop men in their tracks to ask if they can do something to help you... is it out of chivalry, out of wonder, or just because it's something so foreign to a man that they have to stop and see for themselves what it was that caused this emotional response? And do you think I could learn this manipulation trick in my old age or would it be pointless...