I know you are out there....

You know, living with a kids brain in an adult body sure sucks sometimes. I want to just be carefree and happy, no worries, but then there's the reality of it all that comes crashing down on my fantasy... why ?

This world has been given over to our selfish desires. We've chosen to take God out of our schools, our courts and now our government. We are a lawless society hell bent on creating our own rules that suit our needs and demands. They are not focused on the needs of others, although that is the facade of it all. They are focused on being the ones who get credit for doing something that really doesn't help anyone but those who chose not to help themselves. or does it?

My husband is like them. It's all a facade with nothing behind it. And when you try to look beyond it, there isn't anything there to begin with. He started walking away just months after the wedding. He was done with his hunt, he'd caught his prey, and now it was time to kill it. And it was a slow torturous death of a marriage.

Control was at the center of it, not God. So how God do I put together the pieces of my life in order to find the one that you have for me? Will I be good enough for them? Will I be able to keep myself from turning yet another prince into a frog?

Why is my need to please so much greater than my desire for myself and it's esteem?

And yet I do not feel bad at the moment that he has chosen this route. I feel relieved that I'm free from the bondage of his controlling and critical nature. So why do I still think of him, want to talk to him, need him to help me still when I know that he's done with me? That I'm to be thrown out with the bath water?

Why did he not see what God has done in me? Or maybe he has... Maybe he really can't be the Godly man that I need him to be with me? It makes sense since he's not acting honorable at the moment at all... but oh well.

Now it's time for me to be me. All of me.. the fun, loving, kind, gentle side and the wild side, crazy, goofy, and fearless me.

I just hope that when God catches me, that I'll be ready to land....